The Loser Wannabe

Stress.

2012-01-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

Last week was horrible!

Stress was very much uninvited guest to my life last week and I wasn't expecting it to stay for the whole week. At work, they added some new responsibilities to my job duties, which I now need to fix since a previous co-worker completely mucked up the processes. It has caused me to once again return to those all so salty and sugary comfort foods I love when I'm stressed.

Despite the snacking on foods I shouldn't have....my meals for the most part where on the healthy side. I've developed a love for Almond milk - go figure! Almond milk with Total raisin bran is my favorite go to breakfast. I'm drooling just thinking about it! I've also developed a craving for veggies - which normally I would only eat if they were on a salad. I've been trying to eat at least one cooked veggie each meal....especially at dinner.

My exercise schedule has been shot this week....I only exercised twice. I can honestly say I missed it. Exercising in the morning is my favorite part of the day. I was so stressed during the week that I would sleep through my alarm clock until I only had an hour left to spend getting ready for work. I was tired and sleepy all during the day at work. Once I was home, I completely collapsed on my sofa not moving until it was time to go to bed. Stress makes me super exhausted....

Since I didn't exercise very well last week, I've been ignoring the scale like the flu. I've been so scared that all my hard work from last week would be ruined and I would be at 268lbs again. That all my hard work would be for nothing and once again I would have to start over on my weight loss goals. This morning, I decided I needed to weigh myself. At least to see where I am and what I need to change to fix any weight gain. The results?

I'm still 262lbs!!! I've maintained! Woohoo! I didn't gain any of the weight back!

Now, I'm back to regular exercise today/this week....I have a feeling my body will be sore after this mornings exercise session. Hopefully this week won't be as stressful as last week. I can only hope!

Time to Celebrate!

2012-01-06T11:34:00.004-07:00

I'm happy to say that I've lost 6lbs since starting this journey!!

WOO HOO!!! All my aches and pains have been worth it! All the early morning workout sessions haven't been in vain! All the food cravings I've ignored this week don't seem so torturous now! I'm so ecstatic! I can't help but tell everyone about my good news! I know its not a huge amount...and most people think I'm crazy for celebrating a 6lbs loss....but to me, its an accomplishment!

I'm 6lbs lighter than I was 01/01/2012. Even lighter than I was on 01/01/2011! I'm so proud of myself and that I was able to at least earn one new number on the scale. Its one baby step forward to my goal weight.

In celebration, I got myself a ticker for the blog. Not that I think anyone will ever read this blog, but just so I can see how far I have until I reach my goal weight.

Oh, I guess I haven't really explained my "diet" or exercise routines for myself. As far as food goes, I hate diets. I've been on more special diets than I care to admit. I have about 4 diet books on my book shelf collecting dust as we speak. Every "diet" I've ever been on hasn't stuck with me. Why? Because I could never transition them into a life I would be happy to live in. Yes, I did lose weight on some of them but I was never happy while one them. I always felt so deprived and alone in the world when I was on a diet.

I've decided my "diet" for this journey will be to eat healthy, eat smaller portions and watch my calories. I've been using a website I read about while reading the January 2012 issue of All You Magazine called Lose It!. Its a free website to help people reach their weight loss goals. When you first sign up, it asks what about your current weight, height, and goal weight. From there, it will ask how many pounds you would like to lose each week until you reach your goal. Once you've provided this information, it will give you how many calories you should eat each day in order to reach your goal. Its absolutely wonderful and I'm addicted to it! It has actually made me more accountable for what I eat during the day. I had no clue the soda I was drinking (almost daily) was 2 servings at 280 calories per 20fl!

For exercise, I'm still doing about 20-30minutes a day. I'm hoping this week to increase it by another 15 minutes (maybe?). Its still very knew to me and can be challenging some mornings to drag myself out of bed and exercising instead of sleeping in. Yet, I feel as though my body is getting stronger and stronger each day. I've mostly been using my reclining stationary bike (super nice! I love it!) and just recently have been using Turbo Jam (when I have time). I love exercising! I think it has become my favorite part of the day.

Everything Aches

2012-01-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke to the most "wonderful" feeling of pain.

It was assuring and, well, painful at the same time. Its assuring that I did in the fact get a good work out yesterday, but now my body hurts - everywhere! My arms, my wrists, my legs, my calves, my butt cheeks (didn't think it would hurt, ever!), my stomach, my shoulders....every inch of my body hurts!
I feel like I fell down a mountain, head first, hitting every rock, tree and bush along the way.

Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic, but I do ache. It almost makes me wonder why I want to exercise if this is the result the next day. Funny thing is, I didn't exercise that much yesterday! I did about 15 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of lifting. I was so proud of myself that I actually got off my butt and did something, even if it was only for 30 minutes. Its a lot more "action" than I've done all last year.

I could only do 17 minutes of cardio this morning....which really disappointed me. I always feel like I'm not doing enough. That when other people can do 30, I only end up doing 17. I know I'm just starting out, but I think the disappoint stems from just how out of shape I really am. I remember when I could do 2 hours of cardio, no problem. This morning I was dying by 10 minutes....and pushed myself until I could no longer handle it.

I love Pinterest. I found this great quote this morning which really put my aches and little disappoints into perspective.

Yes, I wish I could do a full hour of exercise, or even do a full 30 minute exercise routine without a break every 5 minutes. I'm just starting out and I need to hang in there. I'll get to where I want to be eventually, just at my own pace. Especially if I keep making small daily efforts.

First Weigh in!

2012-01-03T12:42:00.001-07:00

I would have done this on the first day of the new year, but I quickly found out that I didn't own a scale. Haha! I completely forget to even buy one!

I ended up going to Walmart Yesterday, with my christmas gift card searching for a scale. I don't know about your Walmarts at home...but my Walmart puts some of the strangest items in the weirdest categories. Where would you figure to find a scale? Health and Medical needs...right?

Nope.

Then I though perhaps they have it under bathroom decor. Looked around each aisle. No luck.

Guess where I eventually found a scale. In the plumbing/bathroom fixtures - not bathroom decor, bathroom fixtures. Like facets, toilet flushers, various plumbing....things which I don't believe go with scales. Well, I guess they are in a typical bathroom....but why in the plumbing part of the bathroom? It would make so much more sense to be in the bathroom decor if anything! I don't know...maybe I'm the strange one.

I did walk around Walmart with a bathroom scale for about an hour while we shopped. We didn't have a cart, so I was holding the scale - embarrassed. I could see people looking at me, just knowing they were thinking "I know what her new years resolution is". I couldn't wait to get home with my brand new scale.

So here is my first ever weigh in of the new year!!

Ugh...that blue thing on the bottom? That's my gut. Beautiful right?

How do I feel about the numbers on the scale? I honestly didn't think I weighed this much. I knew I was overweight...I was thinking perhaps 240ish? I didn't think I was almost 270 lbs! I've never been this heavy!! I won't lie when I say I'm depressed about it, but at least I'm doing something about my weight. I could see the numbers, be depressed and not do anything or I can see the numbers and get my butt up and change them.

My goal is to be 170lbs.....which is 100lbs away from today. I know its a big goal, but if I take one step at a time, I will get there! I just need to keep moving forward!

Inspiration in a Cookie

2011-12-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

Received this little gem of inspiration in my fortune cookie from dinner tonight. I don't usually take much from fortune cookies, even though I love to read them. For some reason, this one really stuck with me and then it hit me....HARD!

I'm in the drivers seat of my own life.

I can decide what I do, what I say, what I eat, where I go, what to wear, how I make myself feel, etc. I'm in control and I've always have been.

Now more than ever I feel like I can do this. I can feel better about myself and conquer my health/weight issues. I've never felt so confident in myself. I'm excited more now than ever to start this journey. I know it won't be easy, but I just need to remember one thing....

I'm in the drivers seat

Countdown to the New Year!

2011-12-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

Only a few more days before 2011 ends and a bright new year begins! I can honestly say I'm excited, as there is always something "fresh" and "bright" with starting out a brand new year. Like many, I think of all the many ways I can make improve myself or the goals I would like to accomplish in upcoming year. I even write ways to accomplish my goals (to make it easier on me, of course) and finish off my list with happy little doodles. I tuck my list away, reminding myself to take a look at it once the new year is upon us an forget about it.

Well, I always manage to forget about my goals. I never manage to accomplish them. I don't know why I ever bother to write down new year resolutions knowing very well I won't accomplish them. I've never been able to keep one...not even for a day of the new year. I hope and pray I'm not the only one, as this will only make me a bigger loser.

So here I am, with a resolution in mind and scared to death I will fail. Again. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of being happy about my goals for the new year, but never get the motivation to complete them. This year is going to be different.....

My Goal This Year Is To Be A Loser

Yep, you heard me. A loser.

Well, okay - I want to lose weight.

This will be my official goal for 2012....and my only goal this new year.